I am a tree murderer, not by choice.

It was a strange feeling to step into the office once again.

I had received a call asking me to return to work for the week, since the employee was unable to resume her position as she thought she could. I had half-expected this; it would not have been 100% confirmed that she would return this week, due to her illness.. She claimed to be feeling better and intended to come back, but apparently not.

I felt a little strange, as people greeted me with a surprised-but-not-really-surprised tone of voice, some even saying "Welcome back!" But I knew that meant nothing more than just a passing remark.

As I returned to "my" desk, the "Welcome Back [name of employee]" sign had been removed. They had put it up last Friday before I had even left the office, when I was away from the desk to do some filing. I returned to my desk seeing that and just felt they were a little insensitive. So now it bites them back.

I settled into my chair, still feeling uneasy. Part of me wanted to quit there and then, just because I didn't feel like I belong. The other part of me told myself to stay, because leaving would only render me jobless. I wasn't sure of what I should do first.

A/R lady walks in and drops off some invoices without even saying a 'good morning' or any form of greeting. I then realize that in her eyes, if not most people in the office, only see me as a robot who is processing the work for them.

I understand that they are anticipating their permanent worker to come back, but hey people, treasure the present and cherish what you have now! I can't help but keep thinking how would they survive without me. Sure, they can go to the agency and find another replacement, but they would have to train him/her all over again. It makes me almost smug to think that I am rather essential, just that they won't admit it.

Never mind that. Aside from being a little miffed by A/R lady, I got to work soon enough, and I realize it was back to the world of paper, and PAPER CUTS! I promptly went back to killing trees and there is karma! I get paper cuts in return!

But there is nothing I can do about it. My boyfriend says, "You know what, you should find a 'greener' workplace next time, if you are so unhappy about wasting paper.." I totally agree! Now I know, if they ever ask me in an interview, what is important to me in a job.. I'll know what to say! I really want to play a part in saving this fragile environment of ours, that is only getting worse day by day as corporate offices terrorize the forests without blinking an eye.

I truly felt like a tree murderer, and I could almost hear the agonizing screams of little trees, coming from the humming of the printer which was spitting out sheets after sheets of clean, white paper. It didn't help that I was printing monthly reports, which require just about, hmm, 2000-3000 sheets of paper?

I know because 1 ream of paper has 500 sheets, and at the end of that week I had used about one a day (read: 5). This was precisely what I was trying to avoid; that's what I was thinking when they told me last week was my last day.. I don't have to do monthly reports and kill trees! I had done monthly reports last month and I was mortified at the amount of paper I was going through, so in my mind I was going, "Never again!"

Aside from that, things felt somewhat normal by lunch time, and I was glad. That feeling of uncertainty and abnormality left, and my mind was back at ease.

Still, I don't want to continue murdering more logs. I really want to find a more environmentally-friendly workplace in future. I still want to change the world, one piece of paper at a time! :)