Long Emo Rambling

A phone conversation with Michael yesterday has brought up some very interesting but true points to ponder about..

He was saying that there are the people we used to see every day because we lived at Vanier, and would bump into each other or just meet up to eat together... Haha reminded me of the one term (can't even remember when, I think 2nd year first term?) where I keep having lunch with Michael cos we got off class at the same time and we would always eat together without ever planning for it.. It felt kind of comfortable (not in the romantic way) knowing you will always have someone to eat with at the caf..

And then now we have all moved OUT of Vanier and into our own little cooking worlds.. So we don't meet up to have cooking parties or to go out to dinner once in awhile or anything like that..

Because all of us are so busy with our own lives, school and everything else, that we just cannot be bothered to meet up.. And even when we bump into each other on campus it's just a hi-bye thing.. We don't seem to know what to say to each other anymore..

This is especially true for me, since I used to see Deb and Bern every single day last year, and this year have only seen them 3 times or less.. The last time I saw both of them was on my birthday, all the way back in January! And I don't talk to them online anymore..

And then Michael also says it's like "I don't feel like 'dealing with you' right now.." when you bump into them.. I was teasing him for being so emo hahaha.. Haiya, university life is cruel.. Studying sucks up all your time and don't even have time for friends.. (Well, for people who are studious like me and my friends anyway..)

Also realized what a loner I have become.. Other than going to class (where I don't interact with that many people, and I don't talk to them outside of class anyway) and going to work (where I talk to people at work but not outside work), I basically stay at home. Staying at home means only talking to my roommates. Which means I don't talk to anyone OUTSIDE my surroundings. SO SAD OKAY.

And the only other way I talk to people OUTSIDE my surroundings is via MSN or Facebook. In fact we don't even TALK on Facebook. I just see their updates and that's how I keep up with what's going on in THEIR lives.. MSN I only talk to some people, and others only talk to me when they need help or favours...

What kind of life is this? Is this Canadian life? I wonder, in Singapore, would it be more accessible to keep in touch with friends? I mean in university. You can always go out for a meal, you can always go shopping together etc.. But again, maybe not. Very hard to say. Ask me again in a few years, when I have decided where I want to settle down..

Also about settling down, we were also talking about how we hate moving. I just feel like these past 5 years I've been living out of boxes. Which is literally what I'm doing, albeit the fact that I have my own room everywhere. But when I go back to Singapore, I won't even have my own room. And I will still be living out of boxes.

The number of boxes I own is forced to dwindle over the years. At least this year I hope to significantly reduce the number of boxes. Alas, every year I say that but don't think it has ever happened. Because I have so much sentimental junk which I will never throw away. And that's the problem, because if I do eventually move back to Singapore, I have to find a way to get all those boxes back.

Which is why I hate not having someplace permanent to store all my stuff, knowing they will be safe and waiting for my return. I hate this life of lugging everything with me everywhere I go. I want a HOME. Don't tell me I have a home with my parents, I don't. I envy people who have a room at their parents' home, where no matter where they are around the world, their room will always be there, always THEIRS. They keep all their belongings there, they will never get moved around or lost.

Ahhhhhh who's the emo one now? Never knew one can emo so much over other stuff than relationships. Luckily, no relationship problems for now. Stay that way!